"Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty."

Written and Directed by:
Paul Burton.
Fiction by: Paul Burton and Anthony Hummerston.
STARRING:

Rojic,   Jimmi,   Karnov,   Niall,   Kory,   Mama
And special guest stars:
Hen3ry , Joe-9T, Henry and 'Blinkie.'
as the droids.

AND
Storm Cutter
their patched-up wreckage.

Trandosha is but a mere sludge-brown disc in the distance as Storm Cutter lifts off. Niall is feeling whimsical. This is probably because since the return of Mama, he’s been relegated to the co-pliot’s seat. He considers getting Rojic to move the ‘raise shields’ switch to somewhere out of reach, so at least he’d have to get up to engage it, thus giving him a more active role. He raises a hand in a half salute. Thinking back to the Rodian girl, he says, “Bye-bye, little green lady…..” Rojic is sneering. “Always got Twi’leks on the brain.”

“Mmmmmm……Twi’leks!”

Joe-9T asks Rojic, “Sir, may I be fitted with ocular servos, -so that I’ll able to roll my eyes?”

“Sure, we’ll get to it sometime. It’s a valuable tool in droid to humanoid interaction.”

“That’s because humanoids are so infuriating, sir.”

“I’m with you on that one!”

Rojic thinks. “Actually, with a few tweaks, I could modify your heuristic algorithms, and enable you to make your own adjustments and modifications.”

“Thank you sir.”

“I was also thinking that I’d back-up your entire system. That way, if you’re destroyed, we can plug it into another droid’s body. -You’d never be truly killed.”

“I’d be immortal, sir.”

Rojic chuckles to himself. “Mwaa-ha-ha-ha!”

Joe-9T echoes his laugh. “Mwaa-ha-ha-ha! Sir!”

“Yup! That’s my droid! Say, why don’t we go and see what I have in my odds-and-sods box right now?”

“Why don’t we go and see what I have in my odds-and-sods box right now?”

The two of them high-five and leave the bridge.

Once in hyperspace, Mama presses the comm. “Best get some rest people. It’s gonna be sixteen hours or so before we arrive at Cholganna. –And we’ve got a job to do when we get there!” The others continue to go about their business. Mama tries again. Niall then points out that the comms button isn’t working. Mama heaves her ample frame from the pilots seat, glowers at Niall, daring him to slip into it, and goes out to the walkway in the centre of Storm Cutter.

She yells at the top of her voice. “GET SOME REST!”

On her return, Niall asks what is known about Cholganna. As ever, Jimmi is on hand to spout details.

“It’s a small green planet on the outer rim, below Hutt-Space. The Hutts have a small presence there, but then they do in most places away from the core. The Nexu are native of the colder forests of Indona, which is one of the major continents. Iridu is the place to put down, it’s the largest city on the continent.”

“How large?”

“About ten thousand.”

“Ships in the spaceport?” Mama asks.

“No. Ten thousand people.” Jimmi tells her.

“That’s not enough to fill a space cruiser!” Niall says.

“Back on Coruscant, that’s the maintenance crew for a single skyscraper!” Mama chips in.

Karnov has been listening in. She adds, “Actually that’s probably fewer life-forms than there are in the fridge. –Sans light, of course.”

They all have a moment of silence in memory of the fridge light.

Rojic flutters in. Joe-9T is left standing in the engineering bay, holding the lower half of one of his legs. “Ten thousand! That’s about the size of Mos Eisley.”

Mama thinks back. “A beautiful oasis of angels and honest traders.”

They think on this for a second. Rojic disagrees. “A ‘hive of scum and villainy,’ is what I heard.”

“Have it your own way.”

“I will too!”

Jimmi continues. “Iridu is a city on the coast…..”

“Mmmm….Seafood!” Mama says without thinking. Karnov glowers at her, and then licks her own lips too!

“On a coast where marine life is extremely deadly.”

“Ever seen a Quarren with a hand grenade?” Karnov asks.

“No.”

“We should do the Mon Calamari Christmas dinner one year then.” Karnov quips.

Jimmi relays more information. “The area around the city is cleared forest. There are also cleared patches for logging operations, and beyond the forest, the land rises to hills and mountains where there are mines.”

“Danger minefield!” Rojic says.

“Not that kind of mine. Digging holes in the ground.” Niall corrects him, and then adds, “Which is where you’ll be if you don’t stop interrupting!”

Ignoring Niall, Mama asks, “A miner, forty-niner did you say?”

“Yup! –Actually….No.”

“Anyway, a forty-niner is only twenty-seven years ago. A young pup!”

“That’s three times Rojic’s age.”

Mama blinks. “What? He’s only nine?”

“I think so.”

“Then I’m surprised he’s not still a maggot!”

Rojic takes offence. “Ahem! Standing right here!”

“Flying.”

“Okay flying right here!”

“That reminds me, we must stock up on bug repellent when we get to Cholganna!”

“Talking of bug spray, we might look into getting some of that animal repellent stuff too.”

“I’ve got some right here!” Joe-9T says, coming in on a temporary leg. There is an ominous click, as he cocks Sarah-Jane and slowly pans around the room, finishing by aiming at Rojic.

“I meant the spray stuff. I’m sure that Tuun mentioned it.”

“Talking of which,” Mama muses, “I’m sure we missed a trick there. We should have bought his entire stock, shipped it here and sold it to the big-game hunters at vast profit.”

“You’re as bad as Rojic.” Niall says.

“Thanks. I think…..Was that a compliment or an insult?”

Fifteen hours or so, and a rest later, they touch down on Cholganna. Mama turns to Niall. “You know that since you learned to fly, our landings have been much smoother.”

“I didn’t learn. I just did the opposite of what you do!”

“Touché – But you still didn’t dump the garbage before going to hyperspace did you?”

“It’s a re-fitted ship. The garbage compactor was empty.”

Mama looks crestfallen. “Damn! Jimmi must have fished that harp out after all!”

Niall thinks for a while, during which time the engines spin down. “Y’know there’s supposed to be a Sith lord hidden on board ship….”

“I know. I keep that old chestnut alive to scare Rojic.”

“He still believes in the tooth fairy too.”

“Does he?”

“Yup. Why do you think that Toydarian tusks are so big? –More ivory, more credits!”

“Remind me of that again when we put down on the planet of the big-game hunters.”

Niall is shocked. – Though only a little. “How can you say that? How could you shoot an innocent Toydarian?”

“Trust me, Niall. I’ve been around the galaxy, I’ve seen a lot of strange stuff, but I ain’t never seen two things: A gay hero and an innocent Toydaraian!”

Outside is cold, but humid. They ask a few locals and get the low-down on the hunting scene. -It boils down to whether they want to trust a Hutt, or side with a Twi’lek.

“Mmmm….Twi’lek!” Niall says, and that settles it.

Rojic bags up a few samples of cargo to trade. Karnov won’t carry it – it’s beneath her dignity. Niall refuses for the same reason. Jimmi has a white stick, and Rojic can hardly lift the bag let alone the contents. “Oh give it here!” Mama says at last. “All those years spent lugging shopping across town to feed a family. I’m not scared of a carrier bag….” She hands it to Joe-9T. “Here!”

“Yes, sir.”

“That’s ma’am.”

“‘Sir,’ I says.”

“Have it your own way. You need to get a heart.”

“I’m not the tin woodsman, ma’am.”

“Well hurry up! Chop! Chop!”

“I’m staying to guard the ship.” Joe-9T says, matter-of-factly.

Mama snatches the bag back and catches up with the others.

They are directed to Minna’s bar. It’s the one with ‘Minna’s Bar’ written in four languages over the top. They get drinks and sit down.

Rojic is explaining the macro-socio-political economics of the town. “The Hutts don’t need to antagonise the locals. -They have minions to do it for them!”

“True enough,” Karnov says. “Someone ought to step on those slugs!”

“Yeah? You and who’s Grand Army of the Republic?”

Rojic flaps around. “We ought to contact Minna.”

“What you gonna do, put on some comedy glasses and say ‘it is I, Rojic the Twi’lek girl.”

“Could do.”

“She’d probably say, ‘aren’t you a little short for a Twi’lek girl?’”

Mama laughs. “How could she resist his charms? –After all Huttese is the language of ‘lurve.’”

They all stare at her.

“Actually it’s the language of business.”

They sip their drinks, looking around, but not trying to stare. Some recycled extras from Knights Move are here, adding local colour. Some droids are cleaning it up off the floor. Several animal heads are displayed on the walls. “Definitely a hunter’s place.” There are no Nexu heads or pelts though. “There are no Nexu heads or pelts though.” Niall says, somewhat superfluously.

Jimmi is relaxing. “Actually this Minna’s place isn’t so bad. –For an outer-rim sink-hole-town drinking den.” Several heads turn in their direction.

“Why don’t you say that a little bit louder?” Niall hisses.

Karnov, who has been quiet up to now, chips in. “Actually Jimmi is right. It has a certain frontier charm and ambience….There’s even fresh, clean vomit on the floor!”

“I suspect it’s got Michelin stars.”

“They’re not stars, they’re tyres. Three Michelin tyres. –Burning in the corner.”

“So that explains the acrid smell and rough feeling in the throat!”

“I can see Twi’lek dancers.” Niall says.

Mama looks over. “I was trying to ignore them. –Their costumes don’t leave much to the imagination!”

“Imagining is all I’ve got.” Jimmi says, wistfully.

Niall turns his attention to more practical matters. “Well, I want a root beer and something to eat. We Jedi service corps are trained to eat when we can.”

Mama looks directly at Karnov. “I’ll have the seafood platter. –With a side order of insolence.”

Karnov sticks out her tongue. “-And I’ll have the insensitive bitch!”

“Ooh touchy!”

Karnov reconsiders. “Actually, I think I’ll have the same. With extra calamari.”

Presently they are served by a Twi’lek waiter and they dig in. “Incontinence to the chef!” Jimmi says, picking at the food.

Rojic isn’t too sure either. “Maybe we should have gone for the surf and turf.”

“I think there was surf and Nerf. I expect a universal food like Nerf are imported on large space transports.”

Jimmi pauses, and waxes lyrical. “They weren't Nerf inside. They were waiting to be Nerf…. But they forgot. Now they see the plate and they remember what they are. -Walking uncooked steak!”

Niall says, “Is it bad that what Jimmi said made me perfectly hungry?”

“Yeah.” Jimmi agrees, “But I’m gonna wait a while to digest everything. The poetry, the ambience, the thought of the Twi’lek girls….The….Oooh!”

“Oooh?” Karnov looks over at Jimmi, who appears to be in a light trance. She motions to the others to keep quiet. Rojic is babbling on as usual though.

“The Mountain Nerf evolved on Fennesa, a rocky planet in the middle of nowhere. After being brought there by a group of colonists from Alderaan, the colonists allowed the Nerfs to wander freely through the mountains, and they soon began settling down in caves. This made it difficult to capture them for butchering and shearing –though not necessarily in that order. Their spit became more acidic than the common Nerf, and the herders’ spit was almost as bad. It can cause burns on the skin if not promptly washed off. Another point to note about Fenessa Nerf is the.…”

Jimmi interrupts Rojic. “You know the most interesting thing about Nerf? –It’s that if you take a mouthful of drink…..-Sipping a tiny amount and letting it wash all over the part-chewed Nerf steak- then the most wonderful flavours are released! It’s something to do with the natural enzymes in the mouth, interacting with the perpendicular muscle fibres in the perfect steak.”

The others take his advice and raise their glasses. Jimmi smiles at them, ironically asking, “See?”

Jimmi’s mind wanders, now that the banter and the wittering has died down, enabling Jimmi to concentrate on the dealers the hustlers the miners and the loggers discussing business, trade, deals and casual chat. It is not long before something of interest comes Jimmi’s way. This is what is overheard….

“‘Course, if you can arrange passage for the cargo, we’d be eternally grateful. –It’d be another blow to the crime syndicates, the traffickers and their kind.”

“But it’s a legitimate trade.”

“Legitimate, -but not policed. –For every properly indentured soul, there are hundreds that are not on the level.”

“That’s arranged then.”

“Thanks.”

Jimmi thinks that this snippet might be interesting, and passes it on to the others. “There’s someone running some sort of underground railroad. –My guess is that escaped slaves are using it to….”

“Escape?”

“Exactly!”

Rojic says, “You know the best thing about slaves is that they’re really useful. They’re subservient, cheap to run, replaceable, expendable….”

Mama reproaches him. “Don’t let Kory hear you talk like that. –Best keep your mouth shut on the subject.”

“Why?”

“Something to do with…..”

“What?”

“Your testicles being about elbow height.”

“Ah!”

Jimmi grimaces. “There’s an image to conjure with….”

“Juggle more like!”

“Eeew!”

Karnov asks, “What else can you hear, Jimmi?” The Miralukan returns to the trance. Mama catches Niall’s eye, and reaches over to Jimmi’s plate with a fork. “Won’t be needing this!” She announces, digging into Jimmi’s Nerf steak.

“Mushrooms are getting cold too.” Niall says, taking Mama’s cue, and helping himself.

Jimmi’s reception is fading. “I’m getting the ‘out-of-office’ signal.”

“That’s because she’s coming out of the office. If I’m not mistaken that’s Minna –The lady Twi’lek that owns the bar.”

“Twi’lek pimp, Minna….” Rojic starts to say, but suddenly finds himself savouring his drink really slowly again, with Karnov’s hand firmly on the bottom of the glass and her other hand firmly on the back of his head.

Niall speaks through a mountain of mushrooms. “You know I’d make a detour to rescue any number of Twi’lek girls. –I’d even let them share my cabin….”

“The last time you shared a cabin with a girl, the entire ship exploded soon after!”

Niall makes a face. It says, ‘Well it wasn’t my fault that she was being forced to work for the opposition, and besides, at least I got laid, which is more than you did. –And the ambush by the banking clan cruisers was hardly her fault.’ –Which is quite an expression to pull off with only twenty or so facial muscles!

Over a tapping-chinking sound, Jimmi accosts the woman. “‘Scuse me, are you Minna?” Jimmi asks, politely.

“Sure am son,” The lady says, and then isn’t so sure. “Or is it ma’am?”

Minna.

“We’re here on a hunting trip, Miss Minna. – But we reckon that you might know of a few people that might want passage off-world. We’re heading to New Plympto….If it’s of any help.”

Minna pauses for a second. “That might be the case. It depends on who you are.”

“Just honest traders, looking to offload some cargo, and then fly something –or someone- home. We’re not fussy, just here to make an honest credit.”

“Traders you say? What have you got to trade?”

Mama nudges Rojic, who is suddenly short of breath. Through tear-rimmed eyes he says, “Look! Watches, consoles, gizmos….We’ve got a hold full of this stuff. –Direct from Coruscant. All genuine….”

Niall coughs on a mushroom. Jimmi is standing by to thump his back, but doesn’t. The ‘chinking’ sound continues.

Rojic babbles on. “All good stuff. Straight from the wholesaler. Here….” He pushes forward the bag of things that they’ve brought with them. Minna looks them over. “You can trust us.…” Jimmi purrs, moving the white stick. Minna’s neutral stance becomes warmer. “Okay. You guys are on the level…..” Niall swallows a mushroom whole, making his eyes water. Again, Jimmi moves to help, but stops short of actually doing so. The woman snaps her fingers. A scantily-dressed Twi’lek girl comes over, and bends down. Minna tells her that she has guests. “This calls for the special bottle!”

Rojic is still waiting to shake on a deal. To push harder, he offers the contents of the bag. “Here…. Take it! Free sample….!” Niall starts choking uncontrollably. Jimmi stands by with the Heimlich manoeuvre, but doesn’t use it.

In an instant, the others have hands on guns. “Bring back Rojic you impostor!” They yell at the Toydarian.

Rojic cowers. “But….”

Karnov says what they’ve all been thinking. “Actually keep Rojic. We like this Toydarian much better.”

“Much better?” Rojic asks.

“Well, okay, we don’t hate him quite so much as the genuine Rojic.”

“I am the genuine Rojic!”

Minna stops them. She holds up the wares. “You got tech-specs for these?”

“Yes.”

“-And adaptors?”

“Yup.”

“-And proper documentation.”

“We’ll print some ‘Made on Coruscant’ labels and stick ‘em on.”

Minna thinks. “I can do a deal. This stuff is easy to shift. I’ll give you thirty percent over wholesale value. – If you take a few passengers to your destination when you go.”

The girl brings a bottle and six glasses. She hands around death-sticks. Rojic and Mama light up, the others aren’t so sure. The ‘chinking’ sound stops. Jimmi finally stops prodding at the plate with the fork. Everyone holds their breath….. “OKAY! WHERE’S MY STEAK!” Jimmi yells. The answer is lost in the laughter.

Minna grins at the joke, “So what are you hunting? There’s big game, little game. The sea’s full of nasty fish….They’re good sport.” She eyes Karnov, who isn’t watching.

“Actually we were hoping to bag a few Nexu…..”

“Pfffffft!” Now it’s Minna’s turn to spit out her drink! The spray narrowly misses Rojic, who is fluttering behind Mama’s shoulder.

When she has calmed down, she asks the question again. They tell her the answer again.

“Not many try that one! –Are you sure you know what a Nexu is?”

“Yes. We’re fetching a few for a…..Um…. ‘Special’ client.”

“But Nexu? The top predator on the planet?”

“Yes. We’re hoping to get a breeding pair, possibly some kittens too.”

“Many have tried.”

“They tried…and failed?” Niall asks, having finally regained his composure.

“-They tried and died.”

After Minna’s words have sunken in, our heroes sip their drinks, and suck on their death-sticks. Finally, Mama says, “Well, we think we might have an edge.”

“What you gonna do? Charm ‘em from the trees with tall tales and fanciful ideas?”

“Something like that, yes.”

“Well let me know when you go. I’ve got a couple of things to do when you do.”

“Such as?”

“Dig five graves and open a book on you not returning.”

“You really think we’ll come back empty handed?” Jimmi asks.

“If you come back at all! –Well lots of luck, people. You’re gonna need it!”

“Thanks.”

“Don’t thank me yet….”

“You don’t want to come with us then?”

“No chance. I see enough danger evicting drunks and dealing with the Hutts.”

“The Hutts are big here then?”

“They’re big everywhere this side of the outer rim. Riba the Hutt is a rum one, but I can handle myself. I’d rather face him and a hundred of his heavily-armed minions than take on a Nexu.”

“That bad huh?”

“Yup. Hutt minions don’t tend to play with you before they kill you. A few shots and it's force-ghost forever.”

“You don’t believe in force-ghosts do you?”

“No. Twi’lek heaven is filled with…..” Minna starts to say, but is interrupted by Niall choking again.

“Anything else we should know?” Karnov wants to know.

“No. -Except there’s an export charge of around five-hundred a beast.”

“‘Around’ five hundred?”

“No one knows exactly. No-one’s lived long enough to pay the export charge!”

Niall asks, “Do we need a guide?”

“You get what you pay for. They’re okay. -Nothing special though.”

“What about transport? We’d need a speeder.”

“Old Tradic is across the street. He’ll do you a deal. -Tell him I sent you. –Otherwise you’ll be paying for two but only getting one.”

“We’ll get a deal. We’ll use the force.”

“He’s a Toydarian.” She tells them.

“Then we’ll use ‘the force’ without the definite article!”

They thank Minna for her help. “Thank you for your help.”

When she has gone, the others turn on Rojic. “Free samples indeed!”

“But….” Rojic can’t think of anything to say.

“Even the noblest of nobles doesn’t give anything away for free.”

“First one is free when it comes to death-sticks and spice.”

“That’s different!”

Rojic tries to defend himself. He looks at Karnov. “Maybe you’re rubbing off on me….”

The others fall about laughing. Karnov denies it categorically. “I am NOT!”

Mama asks, “If we manage to get a Nexu, all our profit’s gonna get eaten up with the export duty…. Is it not better to sneak them out?”

Niall disagrees. “No. You see, there’s going to be a flashy showy parade of our captive Nexu. -Nothing better than plenty of attention in order to hide stuff!”

Karnov asks, “Is anyone else thinking of Kory’s low-cut flight-suits at the moment?”

“I think Niall means the escaped slaves. –We’ll work on that.”

They finish their drinks and leave. Across the street, they barter with the speeder trader and get a good deal. Rojic thinks it was his bargaining skills, but the others suspect that it was more the weight of Minna’s recommendation.

They hitch the cages to the speeder, and parade through the town. Once outside, Karnov takes the wheel, and speeds off. –At a sedate thirty miles-an-hour. The speeder isn’t that powerful with six cages in tow. Many townsfolk come out to see the spectacle. Others usher their children inside. Jimmi is looking at the map. –Though the others have actually substituted a flyer for a strip-club across town.
The real map looks like this:

“Are you sure this isn’t just a map you ripped-off from somewhere else?”

“Shh!”

They head off into the forest. After a few miles, they come across a logging camp. The mix of humans and aliens run a large sawmill. Our heroes ask for directions to the nearest Nexu. They are told that the Nexu live further into the forest, on higher ground where the temperature is colder and the tree octopusses live. Our heroes thank the loggers and press on. A few hours later, they come across a crossroads. There are various rough signs to other logging camps. They continue on east, toward higher ground and the mountains. Finally it’s time to camp. They circle the cages in a rough hexagon, and put the speeder in the middle. They light a fire and make camp. They think it wise to sleep inside the cages, just in case a wandering monster should happen upon the camp and eat them in the night. In the morning, they are having breakfast when they spot a movement in the trees.

Hoping that it is a family of Nexu, they draw blasters and set them to stun. A second later a volley of shots ring out, and a lone tree octopus drops from the trees. It lands with a heavy thump on the ground, which may or may not have killed it. “Let’s not start that whole could have caught it /should have caught it /might have been dead /only stunned/ historical imperative argument all over again.”

“What do you mean ‘all over again’? We’re setting a precedent here!”

Another day is spent roaming around, and nothing much happens. That night though, Mama spots some movement. She draws her gun and nudges Karnov. “It’s in the trees! It’s coming!” She hisses.

“Actually, it’s not in the trees, and it’s not coming.”

“How can you tell?”

“Superior night vision.”

“Oh.”

Karnov waits. There is movement on the ground. Mama closes the cage door firmly. A minute later Karnov says, “You know I said that they weren’t coming?”

“Yes.”

“I was wrong. They’re coming now!”

“I can’t see a thing!” Mama tells Karnov. “I need some light. –And the torches are outside the cage!”

Karnov concentrates. With the power of the force she swivels the spotlight on top of the speeder around. With the power of the force she switches the switch. There in the glare of the light are several womp rats!

“Oh rats!”

“Oh karking big rats!”

Mama opens fire, and the loudness of the shot wakes the others. Realising that the camp is under attack spurs them on. The womp rat that Mama hit falls to the ground.

“You’re supposed to be setting it on stun!” Karnov yells.

“Slugthrower on stun? Don’t think so!”

“We’re supposed to be taking live bait for the cages.”

“Sorry!”

Karnov shows Mama the way it’s supposed to be and neatly stuns another. Several more have a go back. One even sticks its head thorough the bars and tries to bite Karnov and Mama inside the cage. A few rounds later, and the score is a neat one stunned womp rat apiece apart from Niall, who is being rather greedy with two.

Karnov sees the numbers reducing and no Nexu waiting to pounce, so she wades in with a lightsabre, and chops up another two, who fail to get close with their teeth before becoming simple womp rat greebles.

The fight over, they discuss what to do with the remaining live womp rats.

Jimmi suggests chaining them inside the cages as live bait.

“Good idea, but who’s gonna drag ‘em in there?”

Karnov turns to Rojic, who responds in typical fashion. “You wouldn’t expect a weakling Toydarian to move them would you?”

Karnov turns to Mama. “You wouldn’t expect a woman to move them would you?”

Karnov turns to Jimmi. “You wouldn’t expect a blind person to move them would you?”

Karnov looks at Niall. “I guess it’s you and me then.”

In the end they all drag the stunned womp rats into the cage, except Rojic, who does the chaining up.

“Where’d you get those pink fluffy handcuffs, Rojic?”

Rojic is evasive. “I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.”

“I expect that’s what Kory’s gonna do to us all when she finds them missing!”

They look at the chunks of womp rat, neatly diced by lightsabre. “This’ll be good bait.”

“Yeah, but who’s gonna drag them around the forest?”

“Oh don’t start that all over again!”

There are no other nocturnal visitors. In the morning, they decide to move on. The womp rats in the cages are dragged behind the speeder, the bait is left for any hungry jungle predators to enjoy. Later in the day, they come across a band of trophy hunters, mostly Rodians and humans. They pass pleasantries, but they too have not seen any Nexu.

“We were hoping you might help us with any additional info on the beasts.”

“Well, they’re carnivorous….” The hunter lowers his voice. “-And here’s an old hunter’s tip….They love bacon!”

“Well who doesn’t?”

The Gamorrean with the group snuffles around oblivious.

That night, more womp rats attack. A short fire-fight ensues, with our heroes mostly doing the firing and the womp rats mostly doing the lying around stunned. Jimmi manages to fend off three at once. The rats change tactics and leap onto the cages. They all manage to either kill or injure at least two. The highlight of the fight is a rat putting its nose through the bars of a cage, only to have it neatly removed with a lightsabre. “That’s a perfectly legal move, and screaming about it won’t help….Even if it was possible with only half a face!”

In the morning, Mama shows her unnatural skill at spotting stuff, and spies a couple of wild arboreal octopi. “Look! Two free tree octopi!”

“That’s easy for you to say!”

“Not as easy as ‘three free tree lilies!’”

This time she and Niall manage to stun both. The creatures drop to the ground. They are added to the cages after a bit of a reshuffle. That makes two octopi and nine womp rats as bait.

“We can’t fail to attract a Nexu or six now….”

They are re-arranging the cages and the bait when three Bothans and a Duros are spied. They appear to be another hunting party. –Or possibly a gang of nefarious log-poachers. Our heroes can’t be sure. Rojic is starting to get dejected. “There’s no Nexu in the forest. No smelly horrible nasty, ugly Nexu!”

There is a pause. Everyone points behind Rojic, and makes terrified faces.

“Er…..There’s one behind me isn’t there?”

Fortunately there isn’t. Only another simple log-poacher. They move their camp again, and come across a human and a Gamorrean out scouting.

“What are you hunting?”

“A wascally wabbit!”

“A what?”

“A wascally wabbit!”

“Did you say ‘wascally wabbit?’”

“Yes! We’re wooting thwoo the fowwest…looking for a….Actually a Nexu.”

“So are we!”

The hunters start to leave. Jimmi thinks that they should start the conversation again. “Hey boys!”

The hunters are not pleased to see the gang again so soon. “This is our trail – beat it!”

“What are you hunting?”

“Wascally… Nexu.”

Niall says, “Well there’s a bounty on Nexu….On the other side of the forest!”

Rojic is eager to get out of the forest. Being eaten alive at a moment’s notice is not appealing in the slightest. “Tell you what, we’ll come in with you. Safety in numbers and all that. -And we’ll split the result fifty-fifty….”

“Them guns don’t look like hunting blasters.”

Now that's a hunting blaster!

“No. We want them alive!”

“Well if we come across some Nexu, we’re shooting to kill.”

Niall agrees, “Sounds fair.”

Rojic isn’t so sure. “One seventh! This deal’s getting worse al the time!”

“I suppose you want something in compensation. –This comedy rubber chicken!”

Rojic pulls a face.

“What are your names?” Mama asks their new companions. They shake their heads.

“We’re only bit-part players. We don’t have names.”

“How about eggs and bacon?”

The Gamorrean snorts menacingly.

“Okay….” Muses Mama, “How about Butch and Sundance?”

The bit-part players beam at her. They are now day-players!

“That’s settled then!”

The hunters lead off. “What kind of bait do you use for Nexu?” Mama asks. “Shhh…Hunting wabbits….. Actually, we don’t use bait; we track by stalking and stealth….Stealth and stalking. -And Butch here has a very sensitive nose.”

“I bet he can sniff out a truffle at five-hundred yards.” Jimmi says. Butch growls alarmingly. “Also a little bacon….” Sundance says ever so quietly. After a half hour or so, Butch stiffens and starts to point like a pointer – even though there are no dogs in the galaxy.

“What is it boy?”

“Grr….RR..Grr..R..RR….GG..rr….Oink!”

In a hushed tone, Sundance indicates something in the trees.

“It’s in the trees…It’s eek!”

The two adult Nexu have caught their scent. However they do not move….For now. They merely sharpen their claws. This takes a long time to get them really, really sharp.

The hunters motion the others to spread out….Take them pincer-like…..-And…..Action!

Mama manages to sneak into a good position. The Nexu don’t notice her….Yet. Rojic and Jimmi are obviously talking while they sneak. The Nexu start to eye them up with all eight eyes. A growl in the undergrowth suggests that there are more about too! A whole family! Mama slips the tranquiliser gun from its sleeve and takes careful aim. The mother and father Nexu suddenly pounce. A huge leap from the trees where they have been resting, and straight into combat mode. Jimmi fends one off with a shot, while Rojic ascends at maximum velocity. –The large Nexu hardly slows as it bounds along the ground and up the tree nearest to Rojic. The Toydarian gives a yelp, and flaps for all he is worth. A running Nexu is a match for Rojic in full-flight mode and the race for the top is on!

Mama gets a shot. A large dart flies into the hide of the Nexu. “Enough tranq to fell a large Ortolan….” She says. The dart injects its toxin, but the Nexu doesn’t even notice the pinprick in its side. Jimmi snaps off two stun shots. Blue rings erupt from the blaster, but the charging Nexu srugs off the effects of the stun. Rojic’s pursuer is breathing hot air on his posterior. Rojic starts to veer to one side – fading left. Another great leap from the beast brings it level, and a paw comes out, swatting at Rojic. Claws rip into his flesh, cutting deeply, but Rojic is away, and out of reach. The Nexu turns and starts to run down an adjacent tree.

The other Nexu has found the Gamorrean. His vibro-axe has no stun setting. A thrust, parry and dodge later, and the unfortunate Butch has been cruelly caught by a clawed paw. This is followed by a bite, and a head toss. The Nexu is rolling Butch along the ground with its nose, nipping and biting. Butch struggles to his feet, but is felled by an almighty blow. Piggy pieces spatter all over the forest. Jimmi quips “How offal!” before the beast bears down. Jimmi shoots again, but the stun fails to fell the beast, which bites at Jimmi. The other has made up the distance between Rojic’s tree and Mama at a frightening rate. It bowls her over and starts rolling her along the forest floor. Fangs and paws ripping rending and tearing. Mama dodges the worst of the attack, and rolls into a ball, while scrambling through the underbrush. Niall has been shooting carefully at a teenage Nexu, but also fails to stun it. Rojic has regained his composure and is hovering at a safe altitude, and lets fly with his blaster. Two hits fail to stun any Nexu. It makes them yowl though, and makes them angrier. Niall is sideswiped, but is not badly hurt. He keeps plugging away with the blaster. Karnov is taking on the remains of the family, and has hit several times and failed to stun any. Our heroes are starting to wonder what it’s going to take to fell one of these beasts. Sundance blasts away, and wings a teenager, though it isn’t badly hurt, only even madder. Cat-like shrieks and yowls penetrate the forest. Some miles away, several loggers cross themselves and hope to die in a peaceful chainsaw accident rather than be taken by a rampaging Nexu.

Mama misses again with the dart gun. A cub leaps on Karnov, ripping and rending. Another teenager takes on the hunter, who shoots valiantly, while backing away. Suddenly he stumbles. This is all the Nexu needs. It leaps forward into a blaster bolt, and starts chewing on Sundance. Jimmi is on the Nexu male. They circle around one another, looking for a chink in one another’s armour. Jimmi shoots again. A telling blow that the Nexu resists. Jimmi just about resists looking down the barrel of the gun, wondering how many hits these things take. Mama misses again with the darts. The Nexu up against her has stopped playing and is serious now. Niall comes to her aid. The Nexu press their attacks, the defenders are starting to fall back. The Nexu smell victory and a good meal. The beasts swipe and bite and leap. Our heroes fight back, but can’t seem to get the shot they require to stun the huge felines. The Nexu close in, smelling dinner. Rojic lashes out, and manages to catch a Nexu climbing a nearby tree. A critical hit! Like a stone, the cat-beast drops from the branches, and if it wasn’t stunned from the shot, it is certainly defeated by the ground as it hits. This spurs on the others, but not before the hunter blasts away. The shot wounds his opponent, who has finished stalking its prey. It swipes at Sundance, who goes down under paws and claws. Niall’s teenager is not bowing to pressure, and remains at large, despite several stun shots landing on her. Another cub leaps on Karnov's back, clawing and biting. Karnov dives for the ground and rolls. As claws pierce flesh, she manages to get a shot off, and finally stuns her attacker. Mama is clawed again, shoots and misses. Several trees are now sporting pretty toxin darts! Niall is deftly sidestepping more Nexu. Jimmi shoots again, and the shots slam home, only to be shrugged off by the wild animals! Karnov is clawed agiain, Mama finally hits another. The dart hits home and injects the full dose of toxin. –The Nexu shrugs off the poison with a shake of the head. Karnov gets shots on target, but cannot make them count. Jimmi suffers a clawing, but shoots back. –Still no effect!

Finally, Niall manages to stun a teenager. Spurred on by his actins, the others line up for more shots. Sundance is on his last legs. –And there’s not much of them left. Mama is still rolling in the dirt. The two teams exchange attacks. The hunter suddenly disappears into a Nexu throat. The Nexu roars with pleasure. Gory blood covers its fangs and chin. A horrible fate awaits our heroes if they continue to hit but not knock out the beasts. Jimmi finally manages to stun one. – After a dozen shots the biggest fiecrcest baddest male has gone down. “-And stay down!” Jimmi yells.

A few more minutes, and the final Nexu goes down under a volley of shots. They slowly breathe a sigh of relief, and compare scores and wounds. No-one has got away unscathed. “For a moment there I thought we might end up kitty food.”

“Butch and Sundance did!”

The final tally is Rojic: Three. –Yes three! Jimmi has bagged the biggest and fiercest. Niall got the mother and a teenager. Mama got a technical assist.

After a short rest and the appliance of several hundred yards of bandage, they bring up the cages and drag their prizes aboard. They bury what is left of Butch and Sundance, marking the spot with a simple grave, and noting the position, in case they need to contact relatives.

When the Nexu are secure, and feeding on womp rat for supper, Niall contacts Joe-9T.

“Bring the ship to these co-ordinates. Tell no-one but we’ve bagged ourselves a cargo!”

“Will do sir.”

A few hours later they return to town. The speeder goes a lot faster once the cages are unhitched. They contact Minna. “Don’t tell anyone, but we got what we came for!”

“I’ll send my best ‘crew’ to help you out.”

Presently Minna and three companions arrive. The passengers are a human, a Twi’lek and a Bothan. They are getting settled in when a contingent of Barabel officials turn up. “Extra docking fees, since you left the stand and returned. Also we need to check your hold for contraband, banned substances, illegal export of local flora and fauna….All the usual stuff you understand?”

“You don’t need to see our hold.” Mama waves a hand.

“We do.” The officials barge their way past the sofa. They are brought up short by the hold filled with captured Nexu. They stare open-mouthed for a moment.

“Like I said, we’ve nothing to hide…..You don’t need to see our hold…..” Mama waves her hand again. The Barabel come to their senses. “I don’t believe it. –And no-one else will either!”

“Then we don’t need to pay any export charges….” Mama suggests.

“If I had my way, seeing these beasts captured is reward enough….But rules is rules.”

“Okay. We’ve got no money…..Niall, release the beasts!”

Somewhat petrified, the official says, “Maybe we can come to some arrangement?”

“Maybe we can. I’m sure that a few hundred credits will help oil the wheels of officialdom….” Mama waves her hand again, showing neat credit chips in it.

“That’ll do nicely. Nothing to report. Re-docking fee paid.” The official looks at the cages. “In full” He pockets the cash. Minna nods to the crew, gets a holo-image to take to the bar, and wishes them farewell.

Storm Cutter lifts into the atmosphere. The Nexu growl their displeasure at being captive.

Jimmi hovers with Sarah-Jane.

“You don’t need to stun ‘em Jimmi.”

“I like stunning ‘em! Besides it’ll take a dozen shots to put one down, even at point-blank when they’re in a cage!”

“Still sore about that Jimmi?”

Tenderly feeling the stitches all over, Jimmi merely says. “Sore? -I’ll say!”

“Never mind. It’ll soon be your turn in the Bacta tank.”

“Next time we hunt wild beasts I’m taking a tank. An All-Terrain Tactical Enforcer!”

Mama interrupts. “Next stop New Plympto. Only a crime lord to deal with.”

Niall says, “-And I think I may just have an idea about it too.”

“Why do I get the feeling you’re gonna tell me something I don’t want to hear? -Again!”

NEXT THRILLING EPISODE: Igbo gets a fur coat or the Nexu gets dinner...Or both!

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Footnotes:

Thanks to guest writer and director: Paul Burton.