"The Hero of Karkoon."

Written & directed by:
Anthony Hummerston.

STARRING:

Karnov,   Jimmi,   Niall,   Rojic,    Ta'alan,  Mama
And special guest stars:
Hen3ry , Joe-9T, Trio and 'Blinkie.'
as the droids.
AND
Storm Cutter, their ship, all redecorated in Republic mottled drab green version: 4491-9-B1A.

“Shh!” Kory hisses.

“What?”

“I heard a noise!”

“What kind of a noise?” Jimmi asks.

“I don’t know- some kind of noise –over which you are asking stupid questions!”

Jimmi hums, Jimmi croons, Jimmi sings.

“Any time I hear Jimmi singing,” Joe-9T says, “I want to load up my guns, put every last power pack of ammo through them – Then rip off the head of the singer’s blaster bolt-riddled body and insert the bloody remains sideways into the garbage compactor.”

“There’s something wrong.” Rojic says.

“Yeah, sounds like Joe-9T’s aggression dial got knocked again. –Something suggests that it’s been turned down by a factor of ten!”

They hear the noise again. “It sounds like the servos on the sentry guns.” Rojic informs them.

“So what does that mean?”

“They’re tracking something or ….” There is the sound of a shot.

“Or shooting something!”

After a moment there are no more sounds of sentry guns.

“They’ve stopped!”

“Good!”

“Only now I can hear moaning and groaning.” Karnov tells them.

“Niall’s not with Oona again is he? -That girl sure has stamina!”

“Not that! Groaning like someone in pain.”

Someone is obliged to say, “Niall’s not with Oona again is he?” For comic effect.

Rojic shows his usual compassion. “No, it’s as if someone was outside, then got tracked and tagged. Good riddance I say.”

They can hear a more distinct “Help! Help! I surrender!”

“It sounds like someone wandered here by accident.” Niall observes.

“I’m sure the sentry guns shot them by accident too!”

There is a pause. Rojic says, “I wonder if the sentry guns will get a dark side point?”

They ignore him.

Ta’alan can’t help being curious. “I’m going out there.”

“But it could be a trap!” Jimmi warns.

“Ask admiral Ackbar.” Niall suggests.

They can’t contact admiral Ackbar. –Mainly because he isn’t an admiral yet!”

Rojic scoffs, “Pfft! Only a commander – Such a junior rank!”

“What rank are you then?” Mama asks.

“Erm…..Chief engineer.”

“Well I’m a captain!” Mama says proudly.

“So?”

“So get me a gin and tonic.”

“No.”

“That’s ‘no ma’am!’ – Though I will accept ‘no captain.’”

“I’ll get it.” Trio offers, and trundles off.

Mama yells after her. “And get it right this time! -No more than a quarter of an inch in the bottom of a pint glass!”

“Will do sir.” Trio replies.

“-And fill the rest with gin!”

By this time, Ta’alan has made it to the prone figure behind the bushes. There being no-one else around within long blaster range, he proceeds with caution.

There is a Houk there, rolling on the floor clutching his belly. “What’s up? Ta’alan wants to know, “You had one of Trio’s salads?”

“Arrggghhh…..” Says the Houk.”

“What? Two portions – You’re braver than I thought!”

“Message….From Tyra….” The Houk manages to gasp.

Jimmi comes over carefully, sensing for any ambush or ill intent – but gets nothing. Trying to lighten the mood, Jimmi jokes, “We tried to deliver a message, but you were out. We took a blaster bolt for our trouble. You message was left with a neighbour….In another star system…..Suckers!”

Between them they start to carry the Houk to Storm Cutter – All the while yelling at Rojic to turn off the sentry guns. After about four yards of carrying, they drop the Houk and move the ship instead. Then they drag him up the ramp. – A Houk weighs a good six hundred pounds – so dragging is the only option.

“Best not try to take off just yet.” Karnov says solemnly. “Lest the weight of the Houk and Mama are too much for the poor engines to cope with.”

“Can I help if I like my food?” Mama asks, “You know I could do with some calamari and fries right now!”

Karnov sticks her tongue out at Mama, who crouches by the prone body.

“I know this man…This Houk….It’s the last customer at the end of the bar….At Tyra’s place.”

Everyone calls out in unison, “Morn!”

“Can you fix him up?” Ta’alan asks.

“Brain surgery….Or a sticking plaster.” Mama tells him. “Nothing in between.”

Put him in the bacta tank for half an hour.” Niall suggests.

They look at the body of Morn. They look at the tank. They look at the body of Morn. They look at the tank again. There is no way that they can lift the prone form of the Houk eight feet in the air to dunk him in the tank, let alone the fact that the tank is less than a meter across.

“Use the force, master?” Ta’alan asks.

“Strong am I in the force…..” Niall says, “But not that strong….Or that bothered.”

In the end they splash a cupful of bacta over the wound and give Morn another cupful to drink.

“Mmmm….Pineapple!”

In the end, Morn delivers the message from Tyra.

“Challabba’s got a bounty out on you….The pilot got away, and she’s madder than a cut Nexu. – Rumour is it that Challabba’s champion will be out to get you – Unless you get to him first – Trya’s pulled a few strings and is jamming communications. – The pilot’s scrambled anything that’ll fly to enforce a blockade – Nothing’s flying out of here without a fight.”

“So?”

“So there’s gonna be a door-to-door scouring of this little moon. –With only a few settlements and a small population it isn’t gonna be long before Challabba gets his stubby little hands on you.”

Rojic asks again, “So?”

“So if Challabba sends his Champion – a chap nicknamed Zabki – Then you’re dead. This man can soak damage like no other – Challabba has put him in the arena many times – Never took anything more than a scratch.”

It is Ta’alan’s turn. “So?”

“So with the comms down, you could swoop in on the arena and nab the champion – He’s still in the dark about what just happened at the palace…You could deal with him pre-emptively.”

“We could that. Where is he?”

“At a place about three days skiff ride away – A place known as Credo Station – its Challabba’s winter palace –Or is it summer? It’s always nearly winter here….So I dunno.”

“Sounds like Narnia.” Jimmi says, but the others have no idea where this is.

“What?”

“Always nearly sometime just a little before almost being semi- permanently winter.” Jimmi tells them.

“-That’s easy for you to say!”

“So….” Niall summarises for the hard-of-understanding (Karnov) “We pay the champ a call and nab him before he’s contracted to nab us.”

Morn advises caution. “Best get going. –The jamming isn’t gonna hold forever – Besides, if this champion is as good as they say, he’s practically unkillable.”

“We didn’t say kill.” Karnov reminds him.

“I didn’t not didn’t say kill, did I –or didn’t I?” Joe-9T says, cryptically.

“Is that a yes or a no?” Morn asks.

“I’m taking my gun – for non-aggressive reasons.” Joe-9T says, before pausing and then adding, “-Actually for extreme violence reasons!”

“Let’s go!” Niall says, springing up from his chair. “You gonna be okay, Morn?”

“Still sore.” Morn tells him. Ta’alan offers to help with the healing. He does so, but for a minimal amount.

“I’ll take him back to the bar.” Mama offers. “In the meantime, look after the ship.”

“Pfft! Easy peasy!” Niall scoffs.

“If you die crashing in a fireball into the mountainside, then I’m gonna haunt you forever.” Mama warns him.

“The living haunting the dead….This I gotta see!”

They leave Morn and Mama trudging back to the township.

“Are you sure they’ll be okay?” Karnov asks, concerned.

“I think so.”

“What about breathing apparatus?” Rojic wants to know.

“They’ll be okay for a short while.” Niall tells them. “Besides, Mama has a good set of lungs.”

Rojic looks quizzical. “Those aren’t her lungs!”

Niall and the others find Credo station on the map. They detail Kory to start scrambling any trace of their flight. Niall sets course for the distant mountain range.

“Of course if Kory’s jamming fails, those vultures are gonna be on us in a second.” Karnov warns.

“Then I’ll fly real quiet-like!”

A few hours later, they are approaching the mountain range.

“AA batteries.” Kory announces from the comm.

“What’s up, your Kushiban friend not working at peak performance?” Rojic jokes. Kory picks up something about eight inches long and faintly humming. She throws it at Rojic. “Stupid Toydarian!” She yells, but his response is drowned out by one of the guns in the foothills opening up. –Several blaster cannon bolts fizz through the thin air to the starboard of Storm Cutter. Niall jinks in a lazy arc, sweeping the ship up and then dipping the nose to get a good look.

“Pfft! –Sentry gun!”

Karnov’s superior sight can make out another half-dozen others. “I can see another six or so.”

“Okay….Not feeling quite so brave nor brazen now!” Niall starts barking orders.

“Okay! Man the guns. – Or in Jimmi’s case….Just get in the karking turret flyboy….Or flygirl! –Kory? Try to send a friendly I.F.F. signal! Karnov?”

“What?”

“Brace yourself for impact!” Karnov has but miliseconds to comply. As she dives for a firm stanchion, another blaster bolt slams into the ship. The shield capacity reduces by about two-thirds.

“Rojic! Get on that!”

Jimmi and Karnov slide into the gun turrets. Jimmi’s mouth opens wide as another shot misses the turret by mere inches. “As Archimedes would say, screw this!” Jimmi jokes.

“We need a way in.” Niall says with his eyes peeled for a landing pad. In the end he sees one, but the defensive guns are firing again.

“Not gonna run through the barrage are you?”

There is another flurry of shots. Niall swings tight around a mountain top to break line-of-sight.

“We need an angle. Kory?”

“Working on it sweetie!”

Ta’alan has gained some composure. “What are we gonna do, beat it with mathematics?”

Jimmi jokes, “Give me a place to stand and a lever….”

Joe-9T interrupts, “Or I will shoot a hostage every hour!”

They target the guns atop the mountain. They shoot as Niall swoops around. The shots simply bounce off the energy shielding.

“Not making much headway!” Karnov yells as another volley seeks its target. Niall is wrestling with the controls, swooping, diving, jinking and dodging as fast as he can.

Kory looks down at the secondary scanner. “Two power sources.”

“Kushiban found a friend?” Rojic asks.

Another shot rocks the ship. Luckily the energy re-routed from non-essential systems to the shields is keeping the shield topped up. “Gonna need to drain the fridge-light in a minute!” Rojic warns.

“Do something!” Ta’alan yells in a panic.

“Power sources suggest that the feed is from that shed-like building on the left.” Kory indicates, as Niall spins the ship on its axis. “-Or indeed on the right!” She corrects herself.

“Got it!” Jimmi and Karnov say in unison.

“If you just blast it, it’ll look suspicious, no?” Ta’alan asks.

“What about faking a crash?” Kory asks.

Another shot slams into the hull of Storm Cutter, making it shudder alarmingly.

“I might not have to fake that!” Niall says through gritted teeth.

“Not bothering me.” Joe-9T says, “I can be rebuilt!”

Kory asks an insightful question, “But who’s gonna do it kid – You?”

Niall spins the ship into a tight barrel-roll. Karnov fires the guns with a long burst, taking down the rudimentary shielding around the building. When Jimmi can ‘see’ the place, the force flows. Fingers press the trigger of the guns and streaks of canon fire reach toward the building. A second later Jimmi blows the top off the peak that it is located on. A massive fireball knocks Storm Cutter sideways. As it slews alarmingly, the smoke and debris obscures all vision. Niall jabs a button and fires the retros. Kory overrides the guns and fires a last shot, turning the power generator into slag. The ship twists suddenly before settling safely on a landing pad, which nestles in the peaks. Niall immediately powers everything down, while smoke envelopes the mountains, before slowly dissipating.

“Nice!” Jimmi says.

“Biggest thrill so far today!” Kory says, “-All thanks to Niall here.”

The others look ashen-faced. Niall instructs them, “-And breathe!”

“Deathstick?” Rojic asks.

“Thanks, but no.”

Rojic doesn’t understand, “But I thought that when you humans got all excited you yell each other’s names, and ‘yes’ a lot,- then have a deathstick.”

There is an awkward silence.

In the end, Kory slaps Niall on the back. “Great flying.”

“Yeah,” Ta’alan adds, “Great flying master – Next time, I hope they fix the other four AA guns!”

There is another silence. Niall gulps.

“Four more?”

“Oh yes! –For some reason they didn’t fire at us.”

“Maybe Challabba didn’t get that many hostile visitors.”

“True. –Or just as likely he stole Credo Station from someone else and never paid to maintain all five AA guns.”

“I’ll fix ‘em for him!” Rojic offers. “That way we can dodge all five when we leave!”

They extend the ramp. It drops slowly but smoothly.

“Good landing by the way. There seems to be some extra damping….” Jimmi says, descending.

Rojic points to something underneath the ship, which is now rocking gently in time with Jimmi’s footfalls.

The others stuff socks into their moths to stop themselves either gasping or laughing. Where Rojic is pointing, one of the landing struts hangs unsupported over a chasm –only a thousand feet between the pad and the valley below. One sudden move and the whole ship will teeter and drop over the edge.

Fighting to keep all emotion from her voice, Karnov tells Trio and Hen3ry to come closer. As they trundle forward, the ship comes to rest on the other landing struts. “Now stay there and don’t move an inch!” She instructs the droids.

Having disembarked, our heroes proceed along a narrow walkway. At the far end is a blast door which has a smaller door within it. The smaller of the doors opens and a silhouette appears in it. A moment later a protocol droid trundles out.

“Greetings. I am Cee-Two-Y-zero.” The droid says. “I apologise for the poor reception, only there was a four-alarm fire in the power plant that supplies the anti-aircraft battery….”

At this point a large explosion rocks the entire mountain. Storm Cutter rocks alarmingly.

“Best step inside.” The droid adds with a hint of insistence.

“We are….Visitors.” Kory purrs to the droid. “We are an elite private military attachment….”

Rojic whispers to Ta’alan, “She wishes she was stationed underneath Niall. –Her lips attached to his.”

But Niall has overheard, “As a token of my goodwill, I present to you a gift: This damaged Toydarian.”

Rojic is indignant. “But I’m not damge……Agarrrrrggghhhhhhhhhhh!”

Ta’alan looks on wide-eyed, “I thought force-choke was against the Jedi rules, master.”

“Oh it is. But force-crush to the windpipe is perfectly allowable!”

They are led inside the palace.

Jimmi has a burning question, “If we’re an elite military unit, then why is the Republic keeping Niall and Karnov out of the way?”

The droid stops. “Elite military unit you say?”

“No! Just an organic joke!” Kory tells him, “We’re the maintenance crew. –We heard that you had a fire.”

Jimmi turns to the blazing power plant. “Inferno I’d say.” Cee-Two-Y-zero turns and says, “Shame. I thought you might want to visit the champion. Most people do.”

“Oh could we?” Rojic says, “Only by my professional reckoning, that fire is going to rage for a week, maybe two. –I think being a few minutes late isn’t going to make much difference….”

“Follow me….”

Rojic and Kory bump fists.

The droid wanders around corridors. The palace is like a snail-shell in design, being basically a spiral shape. However, flyovers, balconies and walkways crisscross in all directions above and below their level. Our heroes look into rooms, and around corners. “The palace is a maze of twisty little passages, all not quite unlike being alike.” Jimmi says.

“To you maybe –for us there is a handy guide.” Rojic taps on a datapad. On it is a maze of twisty little passages, but all alike with a handy marker on it.

“Zabki’s apartment.”

“Zabba-whatta wanna wanga?” Rojic says, still not paying attention to Cee-Two-Y-zero.

“Zabki – the champion. His apartment. Here.” The droid almost adds, “-Stupid!”

“Oh yes. –Of course. Zabki?”

Joe-9T enlightens them. “Information: Zabki is a contraction of ‘Zabrak’ and ‘Rattataki.’ The champion appears to be a hybrid between those two races. Hence the descriptive name replacing the actual name of a person, place, or thing.”

“Thanks.” Rojic flaps impatiently. They are at the base of a shaft through which a lift passes.

Cee-Two-Y-zero gets the hint. “I have duties to perform. If you don’t wish my assistance finding your way again, please feel free to get lost.” The droid says so politely, that the insult is missed.

“Nice droid.”

“Very nice. I wish our droids where that polite.”

“Very nice droid.”

Niall looks over at the lift controls. There is a simple up and down button for the hard-of-understanding (Karnov) and also a keypad with numerals on it.

“What’s this for?”

“Interlock.” Rojic says, absent-mindedly.

“What? Me and Niall – with the lips?” Kory says playfully.

“No. No.” Rojic says, inspecting the pad, “It looks as though this Zabki lives in the penthouse. –The last word in Hutt luxury….But locked in.”

“A guilded cage.”

“Well a tinplate penthouse – the Hutts don’t lavish money on anyone but themselves -but essentially, yes.”

Karnov has a sudden attack of non-interest. “I’m going down below.”

“What…..Whatta-what?” Rojic asks.

“To scope out the place.”

“What you gonna do? Rob it?”

“Just look around. I figure I need an aerial scout. Come on!”

Niall, Kory and Joe-9T are left with Jimmi at the bottom of the lift.

“I suppose we could hack the controls.”

“Or knock.” Jimmi suggests.

“Or go in all guns blazing. –wipe out all sentient life on this little moon.” Joe-9T adds.

“Not locked at the moment. I guess we should ascend.” Niall says, simply.

“Good plan. –Seeing as there is no down.” Jimmi responds. They push the button and the doors open. They step into the car and ascend. They emerge facing the lift.

“Strange.”

“Must be a Nar Shaddaa lift.”

“Reminds me of that person who once famously said, “When your back is up against the wall the only thing to do is to turn around and fight.”

“Very profound….Hey!”

Niall, Jimmi, Kory and Joe-9T have made it to the penthouse suite. They knock politely, but there is nobody there. Kory manages to slip inside the door and unlock it somehow. –Nobody knows quite how this feat is pulled off. They venture in slowly, calling for Zabki –But there is still nobody home.

They look around. The penthouse looks out on an impressive landscape. Inhospitable but beautiful. There is a substantial drop from the balcony, and the doors are locked and sealed.

“Master, it would appear that there is nobody home.” Joe-9T says.

“Well I’m glad you’re here to tell us these things.”

“Nobody home….But there are signs of multiple occupancy.” Jimmi muses.

“How so?”

“Because there’s male and female clothing.”

“Maybe this Zabki is a cross-dresser.”

“Not judging by the size of this underwear.”

They examine it closely. Sure enough, there is clothing of varying female body-sizes.

“There are personal things for both male and female in the bathroom too.”

“Such as…?” Kory asks.

“Such as a blue toothbrush and three pink ones.” Niall tells her.

“Lucky blue toothbrush!”

They find some movies as well as some holo-footage of Zabki in action. He takes on all-comers, and as far as they can tell. His fighting style is nothing unusual, but not highly skilled either.

Niall ponders for a while. “It is as though he can just soak up damage….”

“Like a personal shield generator perhaps?”

“Possibly, but one that is small and concealable – that’s not possible, unless he has access to technology that nobody else has.”

Jimmi has a thought. “How long has he been here?”

“From the looks of thing he was a passenger on a transport from Kip.” Kory says looking at something.

“Is that somewhere near Bedfordshire….Up the wooden hill…?” Jimmi asks.

“No it’s a dead-end mining planet – Noted for….Well nothing really.”

Niall and Joe-9T are still running through the more bloodthirsty of Zabki’s fights – It would seem that there are no end of challengers and no end of losers. Joe-9T is making notes – and a copy for future personal use.

“We’d best be going. I don’t want an invincible champion stumbling into his own apartment and discovering us going through his sock drawer.” Niall says.

“Or his drawers.” Jimmi replies, holding up a skimpy pair of knickers.

Joe-9T spins the holo on to two fights of Zabki’s that might interest Niall. One shows him ploughing through a platoon of battle droids without taking a scratch. The second is a more involved fight, this time with a Jedi padawan. – However, try as he might, the young man cannot best he champion. Niall takes it all in and starts to think.

Karnov and Roic have descended into the bowels of the palace. Here the décor is more shabby than shabby-chic. It is not long before the smell of prisoners in their cells is overwhelmed by that of bacon.

A large and grumpy Gamorrean accosts them.

The creature shoves Karnov in the back and grunts something at her. “Oink, snort, grunty-oink-snorty-grunk-oink!”

“What?”

“Oink, snort, grunty-oink-snorty-grunk-oink.”

“That’s what I thought you said.”

Rojic takes over. “Let me try.”

Karnov concedes. “Okay.”

“Now listen here,” Rojic says, “My friend and I want to meet….See….Zabki –the champion fellow.”

“Snoinky grunt snort!” The Gamorrean goes to shove Rojic, but misses. He advances and Rojic backs up against a cell door. The creature changes tack and he shoves Karnov.

“Now look here!” Karnov retorts, going for her lightsabre. As she turns around another Gamorrean has joined the first. Rojic says something rather rude, and puts on a threatening show with a blaster. The first Gamorrean sees sense and runs off squealing behind the bigger one. Rojic puts a shot into it, stunning it. The second one suddenly loses all bravado. Karnov backs Rojic up waving the un-lit lightsabre hilt in a way that means business. Rojic waves his gun menacingly. The Gammoreans are suitably terrified. Rojic opens the cell door and waves the larger Gamorrean to drag the other inside. Once in, Karnov kicks the door to the sound of protesting squealing.

“Now stay in your house little piggys!” Karnov taunts them.

“-And lean Huttese!” Rojic adds.

Niall and the others have descended in the lift and are proceeding along corridors in the better part of the palace. The décor is a strange mix of tramp-freighter and stunning luxury, which lie check-by-jowl in many of the rooms off the passage. They can see the arena ahead of them and decide to check it out. They advance slowly, pushing through a fair number of other people and aliens that are doing the same thing. They are a bit surprised when a gap clears in the crowd and a lone woman in battle armour strides toward them. She spies them as they spy her. Something lets each other know that they are powerful warriors. She slows. Looking straight at Niall, she asks, “New here?”

“Er….Yes. We came for the champion – to see him in action.”

“Thought so.”

Ta’alan blurts out, “I want to ask you for an autograph!”

“Excuse me?”

Ta’alan babbles on. “I wanted a picture of the champion, but seeing as you are a real-live hero….”

“Heroine.” The woman corrects him.

“Sorry sir….I mean ma’am.”

The woman removes the helmet that she is wearing. Flame red hair tumbles out. – It also compliments the colour of her skin. Hot orange eyes stare at Ta’alan.

“Excuse my pad…Er….Apprentice. He’s young and foolish.” Niall says.

“Go away little man.” The woman tells Ta’alan. She turns to go.

“He’s not worth bothering with, not to a great warrior like you.” Jimmi says, smoothing ruffled feathers. “Of course, when I was a boy, I had heroes….Or was it when I was a girl….And Heroin.”

The woman melts a little at Jimmi’s soothing words. She says something in Mando’a that sounds like a concession. Then says, “Okay.”

Ta’alan leaps like an excited schoolboy. He fetches out a datapad with a camera. He stands next to the woman and snaps her and himself for a selfie.

“Thanks, ma’am!” He gushes. She leans forward. “Let me sign it for you.” She scribbles something across the pad. Ta’alan looks at the scrawl. He can’t read the Mandalorian text. He shows it to Joe-9T. “What does it say?”

“Something you shouldn’t be reading until you’re older. But she signed it Klara Fontana.”

“Do we know her?”

“Probably not. She’s in the top twenty or so bounty hunters in the galaxy. –You just met a stone-cold killer.”

“Ulp!” Ta’lan gulps.

“Pleased to meet you, Klara.” Joe-9T purrs, “I have admired your work for many years.”

“Thank you. Joe-9T isn’t it?”

“Yes indeed.”

“And I have admired your work too.”

If Joe-9T had a blush circuit, it would be in overload by now. “Maybe we could go on a killing spree sometime. A proper massacre….Genocide even?”

She ponders, “Another time maybe.” Klara stalks off chuckling to herself.

“Well that was weird!” Niall says.

Meanwhile, Karnov and Rojic are inspecting the cells in the dungeon. There are some pretty unpleasant characters in there. They decide to leave most of them alone, despite being cajoled, threatened, abused and charmed into letting the prisoners free. Rojic recognizes some of the worst scum of the galaxy and is quite content to leave them alone and incarcerated despite all the names he is called. – None of them compare to life aboard Storm Cutter, so they don’t pierce his thick skin. They call Karnov names too, but thay don’t pierce her thick skull.

One cell is in complete darkness however, which interests them. With Karnov’s low-light vision she can make out the figure of a man. There is also a small red light that blinks occasionally. A familiar voice says, “Turn the light off sir.”

Rojic and Karnov look at one another.

“Who are you?” Karnov asks.

“2134554-0-044100-8.”

“That sounds like a clone-trooper’s number.”

“Correct.”

“What do they call you?”

“Bricks.”

“Um….Because?”

“My fingers. Very large – like bricks.”

Karnov has heard enough. “We’re coming in.”

They lift the pin and slide over the bar across. They enter the cell which is in complete darkness.

“Leave the light off sir.” Bricks says.

“You okay?” Rojic asks.

“Pain sir. Behind the eyes. Like a pounding in the head.”

“We can help.” Karnov says, “How did you end up here?”

“Transport. Mercenaries hijacked us. Popped the hatches. Many of my brothers died gasping.”

“-And then?”

“I did a few rounds with other fighters. Then Zabki. He half killed me to hell and back. Pain now. -Can’t shake it.”

There being no other light, Karnov ignites the lightsabre. By its aquamarine light they can see the problem with Bricks. He has suffered a considerable beating. Worse still, he has had part of his head crushed –and crudely patched up – an electo-mechanical device covers the spot where the back of the skull should be. Wires and tubes are inserted into the brainpan and indeed the brain.

“Crude surgery – More like butchery.” Rojic says. “We need to do something.”

Karnov waits patiently while Rojic tries his best to ease the inflammation and remove some of the infection that has set in. He twists knobs and dials and settings in the cranial implant. –It does offer some slight relief.

“We’re getting him out of here.” Karnov says.

“Well they’ll not get him to fight for a while. He’ll be relatively safe here.”

“If I find the surgeon, it might end up as a severe case of ‘physician heal thyself….’” Karnov swears.

Niall and the others are pushing through the swelling crowds. A gong has sounded several times and people are making their way toward the arena. There are Toydarians and Gammoreans, there are Cathar and Selkath. There are mercenaries and gamblers, dancers and entertainers, there are hawkers and barkers and bookies. More than one Hutt slithers past, with their disgusting bodies and sycophantic lackeys. There are slaves and slavers, they pass a room where a naked Twi’lek is drip-drying after a shower. There are warlords and Mandalorians, there are pilots and traders there are thugs and bodyguards there are….

“Hey! Wait a minute!” Niall says, backing up.

“What master?”

“There was a woman there a second ago.”

“There was?”

“Yes in the doorway….All um….Naked and articulate.”

“Naked you say?”

“Not a stitch on.”

They back up physically. A few doors back along the corridor, there is one open and a naked green Twi’lek stands there.

“I was about to take another shower,” She says to Niall. “Care to join me?”

“I um…Well….You see….”

“It might be a trap, master.” Ta’alan warns.

“Let me be the judge of that!” Niall says, stepping into the apartment. He does a double-take as he sees an assassin droid just inside the doorway. He stops suddenly.

“Oh don’t mind Four-Bee. He’s quite soft.” The woman tells Niall.

“Can I help you?” Niall asks, trying not to notice her nakedness by staring wide-eyed at her.

“Well I need some oil to rub into my skin…”

“Well I could spare a few….Hours….”

Another droid steps into view. “Lay a finger on my mistress, and I’ll blow a hole in you big enough to fly a starship through.”

It is Niall’s turn to say “Ulp!”

The woman turns and runs her fingers over the second droid. “Five-H -on the other hand- is much stronger. Big powerful droid. Known to rip legs off an angry Bantha when I want a steak.”

Niall and the others don’t like the intimidating manner of the droid. They suddenly have other things to be doing. Kory grabs Niall by the collar and steers him away. The Twi’lek woman laughs throatily.

Ta’alan is wide-eyed. “I never saw a naked woman before.” He says.

“Believe me, you still haven’t, young padawan.” Niall replies, impersonating a mime wiping an imaginary window.

“I still haven’t.” Ta’alan says, echoing Niall’s words.

Back in the safety of the corridor, Jimmi sighs a sigh of relief. “That was a close one. I nearly saw her!”

“Not as close as it could have been,” Kory says, “We could have been waiting for Niall to finish getting jiggy with that woman.”

“It wouldn’t have been a long wait.” Ta’alan says, scooting ahead before Niall can hit him.

“Nice sandwich toaster.” Joe-9T says.

“What? Is that some smutty euphemism?”

“No. Sandwich toaster – For toasting raw bread products. She had on in the galley. It makes my capacitors….Well, fill to capacity.”

They wander on. Kory says suddenly, “Four pico Farads.” Thus ending the conversation.

They catch up with Karnov and Rojic. By this time they are making Bricks as comfortable as they can. They have done as much as they can for him. –For now.

Niall and Ta’alan channel the force as best they can and heal the man of his minor wounds, but the surgery –or lack of it- is horrible to behold. They inspect Rojic’s rudimentary surgery and electronic rewiring.

Ta’alan bursts the bubble of their situation. “I can’t believe that there’s a Toydarian in the galaxy being so selfless. It must be an aberration!”

Jimmi tries to relieve the tension. “I expect Bricks can get six-hundred channels at once now.”

“Kinda like watching ‘Dave’ then.”

“I expect he can get Q.I. anytime.”

“Kinda like watching ‘Dave’ then!”

The frequency of the chiming of the gong changes up a gear – and indeed the frequency between ‘gongs.’ This signals that the match is about to begin. They slip through the dungeon area past the Gamorreans –and wave- before joining the throngs going to the fight. The Twi’lek woman has at least put on some clothes by now – albeit only a few more strands of thread than before. She waves to Niall and the others as they take their seats. Joe-9T tries to mouth ‘sandwich toaster’ suggestively at her, but is hampered somewhat by the lack of a mouth.

In front of them are three Rattataki girls. They are teenagers judging by their youthful banter and general demeanour. They laugh and giggle and mess about taking selfies of themselves until the match begins.

“How can it be a selfie, if they take a picture of all three of them at one time?” Jimmi asks.

Niall shrugs. “I dunno.”

Zabki the champion emerges into the centre of the arena. There is a flurry of gambling as the assembled spectators lay on credits either for or against. A master of ceremonies announces Zabki as undefeated champion of the arena. The crowd go wild. She announces a contender – a slim pale-faced Nagai steps out of the shadows.

Nagai swordsman.

The Nagai has a sword of some quality, which he whirls about his head, practicing forms and warming up for the fight. When the audience is suitably whipped-up, and baying for blood, the woman announces that battle should commence.

The Nagai stalks the ring. In front of our heroes, the young girls start to lose interest. They usher over an usher and have some Frozian-froozy frozen frozz-juice compound in pyramid-shaped receptacles. “Ice creams!” Ta’alan says, seeing this. “Master, can I have an ice cream….Please?”

“You don’t need an ice cream, padawan.” Niall says.

“I don’t need an ice cream, master.”

The Nagai launches an attack. Zabki fends him off with a fist to the head. The Nagai rolls with the blow, spinning on his heel to lunge with the sword. This hits home, making a gash in Zabki’s side. This is met by a backhand which swats the contender to one side. The tempo increases as the Nagai steps out of close range and starts cutting, slashing, striking and hacking with the blade. Zabki fends off some blows, but rolls with the others. Gashes appear of his arms and body, but the flow of blood is minimal. After some flashy swordplay, the Nagai is starting to tire. Zabki launches in, body-slamming the lithe contender. This sends him sprawling. Zabki seizes the opportunity to step upon the blade. The Nagai rolls to one side and comes up fighting. Blow after blow rains in on the champion, but again he suffers minimal damage. The Nagai goes for a decapitating shot, whereupon Zabki intercepts the blade with a palm-off, cutting his hand deeply. A heavy jab to the chin of the contender stops his onslaught. A moment later, Zabki kicks out, possibly breaking the challenger’s leg in the process. The challenger is spent, he signals his surrender. Zabki gives him a solid kick for his trouble. The crowd go wild. The bookies clean up.

Over the din of the audience, Rojic turns to Niall. “What do you reckon?”

Karnov interrupts. “Maybe he has a portrait on a datapad that takes all the damage -leaving him hale and hearty….And very much alive.”

Kory has done some digging. “His real name is Zane Drope. He’s the youngest son of a mine-owning family on Kip. –Nothing special.”

“Zane Drope. That’s second only to Dwayne Dibbley!”

“As I said, unremarkable. The Drope family are the ‘billy-no-mates’ of Kip. They have money and presumably learned some martial skill – or can buy the training – but other than that there is nothing whatsoever remarkable about them.”

“What else does it say about him?” Jimmi asks.

“Well, it says that he spent several hundred years in a Sarlacc pit before escaping alive– hence the other nickname: ‘The Hero of Karkoon.’ –Which somehow I doubt.”

“Why so?”

“Well the pit of Carkoon is just that – a Sarlacc pit – spelled with a ‘C’ – and that he was born forty-three Kip years ago – making him around thirty. -So in that respect he’s a fraud.”

Niall is quiet. As the hubbub in the crowd dies down and people start to leave, he suddenly says, “Witchcraft.”

“What-a-what-a-witchy-what-a what?” Ta’alan says, making perfect sense.

“Not watch – witch.” Niall says.

“But how?” Kory asks.

“I don’t know. There was nothing in the force,” Jimmi informs them, “Though I was watching for it.”

“Maybe there’s a supernatural connection with something that enables Zabki to take damage and not suffer for it.”

“Mighty powerful that is.” Karnov says, before apologising for sounding like a certain Jedi master.

“He’d be a big asset to the war effort.” Kory says.

“If he would join the Republic. –If the seps or the Hutts have him, he could lay waste to an army of clones.”

“Best not let that happen.” Niall says.

“What are you planning, master?” Ta’alan asks, “Not thinking of becoming a contender are you?”

“Not as such….But I might. But I also want to know who is cutting clones – and for that matter, who is raiding Republic space for prisoners to send against him.”

“Well don’t hurry on my account.” Rojic says, casually.

They look at him. He is too slow to put away the pile of winnings that he has collected from the bookmaker. He looks up. “What?” He says.

CODA: (CONE-A?)

Niall turns to Ta’alan. “Now I’d like an ice-cream, padawan.”

“You’d like an ice cream?”

“I’d like you to get it for me.”

“I’ll get it for you now, master.”

“Get one for everyone.”

“I’ll get one for everyone, master.”

“Good boy.”

“Good boy, master.”

Ta’alan trundles off on his errand.

“The force works on the weak minded.” Niall tells the others. Karnov is walking away. Niall asks, “Where do you think you’re going?”

“To get everyone an ice-cream….Master!”

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Footnotes: Um....None today!